An analogy that is often used to describe the process of rebuilding trust is that of the empty bucket. We say to the addict, “The reason your wife doesn’t trust you is that your bucket is empty. You need to refill your bucket.”
We refill the bucket by going to meetings, doing therapy, and remaining faithful.
But the problem with this analogy is that the bucket itself is in disrepair. Before you refill your bucket, you need to rebuild your bucket. Plug the hole. Figure out how to keep it from springing a leak in the future.
Paul said, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Guys, that’s the least we can do.
The best day to begin the process of rebuilding trust was five years ago. The second best day is today.
Recovery Step: Start the hard work of rebuilding your bucket.
Author: Mark Denison
Mark and Beth Denison, married for 36 years, launched There’s Still Hope as a national movement to call men and women into lives of sexual integrity. Their ministry offers 90-day recovery plans for addicts and one-on-one and group coaching for addicts and their spouses. TSH also produces resources for pastors and churches to confront the porn epidemic that is destroying so many lives.
Dr. Denison was a senior pastor for over 30 years, NBA chaplain, and board chairman at Houston Baptist University three times. With a Master’s Degree in Addiction Recovery, Mark is a certified PSAP and active member of the American Association of Christian Counselors.
Mark has written four books on recovery: Porn in the Pew, 365 Days to Sexual Integrity, A 90-Day Recovery Guide, and 40 Days to Porn-Free Living. His latest book, Jesus on the 12 Steps, will be released later this year.
