Jack Handley said, “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
I have often found that what we criticize in others, we generally find in ourselves. Oscar Wilde said it like this: “Criticism is the only reliable form of autobiography.”
If you are trying to help someone, especially an addict, be careful with your criticism. There are four ways criticism can destroy a relationship, according to Dr. Steven Stosny.
- When it focuses on personality rather than behavior
- When it focuses on shame
- When it offers no way out
- When it belittles the other person
Sometimes, the best thing to do is to just follow the advice of James, who said, “Do not speak evil against one another” (James 4:11).
Recovery Step: Be guarded with your words of criticism.
Author: Mark Denison
Mark and Beth Denison, married for 36 years, launched There’s Still Hope as a national movement to call men and women into lives of sexual integrity. Their ministry offers 90-day recovery plans for addicts and one-on-one and group coaching for addicts and their spouses. TSH also produces resources for pastors and churches to confront the porn epidemic that is destroying so many lives.
Dr. Denison was a senior pastor for over 30 years, NBA chaplain, and board chairman at Houston Baptist University three times. With a Master’s Degree in Addiction Recovery, Mark is a certified PSAP and active member of the American Association of Christian Counselors.
Mark has written four books on recovery: Porn in the Pew, 365 Days to Sexual Integrity, A 90-Day Recovery Guide, and 40 Days to Porn-Free Living. His latest book, Jesus on the 12 Steps, will be released later this year.
