For most of its 15-year run, from 1952 to 1967, it was rated among the top 20 shows on television. It was called “I’ve Got a Secret.” Millions of Americans tuned in to watch celebrities try to guess another person’s secret. We love seeing secrets exposed – unless they are our own.
As I work with men, I have learned how to spot someone who is ready for recovery – as opposed to someone who is content to dip his toes in the shallow end of the pool – with a simple marker.
No more secrets.
Admittedly, telling our secrets does not come easily. That’s why we would rather pay a therapist $200 to listen to us – on the condition of confidentiality – than tell our story to those we see every day.
The seven sacraments of the Catholic Church are all practiced in full view, but confessions are offered in private; even the priest does not know who’s on the other side of the curtain.
In Protestant churches, believers teach the Word, preach the Word, and live the Word – except for that one pesky verse. “Confess your sins one to another, that you may be healed” (James 5:16). We live well-meaning lives, shrouded behind the safety of not being truly known.
Every person wants to be truly known and fully loved. But if we have to choose, we go with fully loved. We have been duped into believing we can’t have both.
But for the man who wants to escape his porn, his pain, and his past, he must build his life on this inconvenient truth. There can be . . .
No more secrets.
If you are among the few and the brave who are willing to cross to the other side, congratulations! If you are ready to do whatever it takes to be well and live free, it can happen. But only if there are . . .
No more secrets.
I suggest three principles to guide you through the choppy waters ahead. When you expose the truth of who you are and what you’ve done, you will not immediately escape the storm. But if you look carefully, you will begin to see light on the horizon. A new day is coming. Here are three principles to live by.
- Not everyone needs to know your secrets.
- Someone needs to know your secrets.
- You need to reveal your secrets.
Let me explain. It is unwise to share everything with everyone. You don’t need to say it and they don’t need to hear it. But someone does. This “someone” should be your 12-step sponsor, pastor, or accountability partner. Like Jesus, you should consider an inner circle of three men who know your struggles well. But the power of sharing your secrets is not in others hearing them, but in you telling them.
It is only when you let go of your secrets that your secrets let go of you. Let me say that again. It is only when you let go of your secrets that your secrets let go of you.
Let’s return to the forgotten passage in James. “Confess your sins one to another.” Now let’s finish that verse – “that you may be healed.”
I can only speak for myself. I have lived my entire 30-plus years in one of two lanes: (a) secrets kept, and (b) secrets shared. And the second lane – secrets shared – is the fast lane. Why? There are two reasons.
First, when you drive in the “secrets shared” lane, there is less traffic, because most are stuck in the other lane. But another reason this is the fast lane is that when we share our secrets, we unload a ton of weight. That allows us to travel light – and free.
You will hear a lot of good things in 12-step meetings, therapy sessions, and recovery literature. But there is one truth you must never forget – if you are serious about recovery. Learn it. Memorize it – it’s just three words . . .
No more secrets.
