Recently I traveled by plane, requiring me to go through airport security screening. My ID was checked to verify that I was the person I reported to be. I was instructed to remove any objects from my pockets, my shoes, and electronics from my bag. All of my items were x-rayed and scrutinized and I was required to stand in a booth that uses millimeter wave scanning to check for anything I might still have hidden that would pose a threat to the security of others.
We live in a time when such measures are taken due to the past actions of others who betrayed public trust and hurt innocent people and because of the potential for future similarly destructive behaviors. As I reflected on this that day, I thought of the many women (and men) who have been devastated by the sexual betrayal of a spouse. Trauma has put them in a position of insecurity and fear. A common response is to grasp for safety measures that can restore a sense of stability and security.
Developing a safety plan in such a situation can be helpful and wise. For a wounded spouse to require honesty and transparency from the offending party is certainly reasonable. Requesting and receiving access to devices, and passcodes for social and financial accounts can be settling for the traumatized spouse and can be helpful in the rebuilding of trust in the marriage.
Unfortunately, there are not enough safety measures in an airport or in a marriage to guarantee security. In either case, if someone is determined enough, he or she will find a way to circumvent any obstacle. While there are precautions that serve as a deterrent and provide some sense of security, nothing is foolproof.
So, how do we avoid living in a state of fear when nothing and no one are completely trustworthy? We do so by looking to the only One who is. “I will say to the Lord, ‘You are my place of safety and protection. You are my God and I trust you’” (Psalm 91:2). Go ahead and put those things in place that give you some sense of temporary security. But ultimately, place your faith in God alone. He will be the one still standing when all else fails and he will be the one who will sustain you, if you let him.
